What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 19.06.2025 02:21
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
She married twice! .
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
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I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
It was going to be , some day.
My life is so biszare .
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
What happened to your school bully?
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
But, we were locked up after school.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
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Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Why did i forgive my father ?
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
When sharing a wife, is it best with your buddy or a stranger?
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
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I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Do you think the constitution and laws should be taught in school?
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
And i lived it daily.
One cannot live in the past .
Why are Trump supporters so incredibly stupid?
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Do conservative white women like black men?
As i do to all so called friends.?
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I think the readers, may guess!
What was your wildest experience as a lesbian?
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I will be 64.
But it wasn’t much.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I have no regrets .
I write beautiful poetry .
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
The only rule us 5 kids had .
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I never cut or harmed myself..
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
This is soul school!.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
We were not on the streets..
Would this be the day?
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Was to survive, this bastard.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
My family never makes their pension either.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I was seconnd youngest,
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
She found it foreign!.
I couldn’t, believe it.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Im still living with it.
So whats the point in blame.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
He knew the spot.
He resisted the act ,that day.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
What did i know ?
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
She loved him until the end.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
She was in good health!
All the time i was locked up.
I was scared of men, in general
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Ive learnt so much.
When she asked me how she looked .
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I was very sick at this time too.
So, i spoilt her more .
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Put me off passion for life!!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
We all went to grammer schools
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I said to her
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I don,t even have a pension.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I was 9 years of age.
Comes on , in middle age.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
(And it was in our own minds.)
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
She wouldn,t have been !
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I could never make a relationship work though!
Who then, do I blame.?
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I know ,a lot about trauma.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Im dying but, im not bitter.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I waited trembling.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)